It happens that parents help adult children most of their lives. Some of them support their grown-up children for decades: they provide them with financial support, help with housework, take care of raising their grandchildren, and also solve a lot of small and large everyday problems.
First, parents set themselves the task of teaching the child at school, then - to help him graduate from college. Then the over-aged child has a housing problem, and the parents are happy to solve it. Sometimes it happens that a married or married child puts his “soul mate” on the neck of his parents. This can go on indefinitely. Why do grown children not want to work, and how to cope with this problem?
Psychologists believe that the unwillingness or inability of matured children to provide for themselves and leave the parental home is directly related to the psychological immaturity of a person stuck between childhood and independent life. There are several reasons for this, and, unfortunately, it was the parents who provoked most of them.
Inability to plan
Some grown-up children cannot find a worthy goal for themselves and make a competent plan for its implementation. In addition, they are afraid that they will not provide themselves with the kind of wealth they are used to in their parental home. Few people agree to voluntarily endure material difficulties or limit themselves in some way.
Fear of losing comfort
Parents usually create excellent conditions for the child that he does not want to part with. Why try to build your own nest, which may not be as comfortable and cozy as your parent's? Besides, it's so good at home: they serve breakfast in bed, prepare delicious meals, hang clean and ironed clothes in the closet …
Lack of independence
Sometimes parents are sure that their children simply have not grown up to an independent life: they will definitely do something wrong, ruin it or mess it up. Such an opinion is imposed on a grown-up child, and after a while he gets used to thinking of himself as a worthless creature.
Lack of the habit of earning
Young people, who have always received pocket money from their parents, do not know how to get it on their own. In addition, they have developed a stable psychology of a freeloader, which is fueled by the belief that they only have to ask and any amount will be provided by their parents immediately.
What to do?
First of all, parents need to start living their own lives, find other interests besides the care of their grown-up child. No matter how strong the desire to teach, protect and protect, you will have to give an adult child the opportunity to live independently. Parents will really help their offspring if they help him find a job, for example, writing a resume, jointly searching for suitable vacancies, contacting relatives and friends with a request to find a job for a son or daughter. If the child continues to mess around, it is necessary to cut his material combination to a minimum and apply other repressive actions.
