A person is built in such a way that he needs the support and recognition of others. When others talk about your merits, the latter seem to become even more valuable. Praise, approval from relatives and friends makes you believe that you are a little better than you think of yourself. But you can express praise by making a compliment, or you can flatter a person, and the line between these two methods is very thin.
The difference between flattery and compliment
Indeed, in both cases, the interlocutor, it would seem, emphasizes your merits, perhaps slightly exaggerating them. This "little bit" is the main difference between flattery and compliment.
As a rule, a compliment reflects reality, conveys the true feelings that the interlocutor has for you and your qualities. Sincerity is one of the main hallmarks of a good compliment. Perhaps your dignity, which the interlocutor notes, in the light of his statement become somewhat brighter than it seems to you, but this is the beauty of a compliment: it increases your self-esteem, inspires, makes you want to match how you look in the eyes of the speaker.
A flattering statement is often a deliberate lie or is a sharp exaggeration of your real merits. In addition, a sensitive person will be able to grasp the insincerity of this kind of admiration, its straining and compulsion.
The fact is that they usually resort to flattery when they want to get something from the interlocutor, enlist his support, etc. Just like in the famous fable of I. S. Krylov, when the fox praised the imaginary virtues of the crow, wanting only to get cheese.
Hearing exaggerated praise addressed to you, it is worth thinking: what does this person want from you? How can you help him? If the answer is found quickly - do not hesitate - you are being flattered!
How to accept flattery and compliments
Despite the difference between flattering statements and compliments, you need to react to them in almost the same way: calmly. For a person with self-esteem, self-confidence, this is not at all difficult. You yourself know your strengths, weaknesses, advantages and disadvantages, so is it worth it to react sharply to praise or criticism from the outside? R. Kipling has wonderful lines: "Equally meet delight and abuse, not forgetting that their voice is false."
On the other hand, you should not try to convince the interlocutor that he is mistaken, and the quality for which you are praised appeared completely by accident. This will give out your suspiciousness, complexes and low self-esteem. On the contrary, if you are being told about your merits, in which you are already confident, you can restrainedly respond with something like "Thank you, I know." If you hear an unexpected compliment, you can just say "Thank you" and smile.
And, of course, you don't need to react aggressively to such statements. So, if they tell you that today you look great, do not discourage the interlocutor with the question: "Do you mean to say that on the rest of the days I look disgusting ?!" This will put both him and you in an awkward position. Compliments are not meant to be rebutted. This is just a pleasant "stroking" for your pride, nothing more. And you should treat them accordingly.
