The death of a person is always grief for his loved ones. During this time, support, participation and attention are very important in order to at least slightly relieve the pain of loss. But sometimes it can be difficult to find the right words that can show your empathy and encouragement.
Instructions
Step 1
Because of strong feelings and excitement, it is difficult to immediately find the right words for the loss. Often times, people are limited to a clumsy formal phrase that sounds like a tick and does not feel genuinely involved. Therefore, it is better to think over your words in advance so as not to inadvertently injure the person and show the full depth of your participation.
Step 2
Much depends on how you found out about the death of a loved one of your friend, as well as in what relationship you are. Relatives can call or meet in person with the bereaved immediately after receiving the sad news. If you are not in such a close relationship or are just colleagues, you can wait with condolences until the funeral and express them on this difficult day.
Step 3
It is better to express condolences in person, when meeting, in order to look into the eyes, touch the bereaved and show that you are there. Telephone, written or electronic condolences are appropriate only if you are in another city and cannot meet in any way. In such a situation, it is still worth giving preference to oral communication over the phone, rather than a written message. The grieving person will feel your sympathy from the voice and it will feel a little easier for him.
Step 4
If for some reason you are not able to express condolences orally, you will have to do it in writing. A letter or a telegram must be sent immediately after receiving the tragic news - if after a person's death a significant period of time (more than two weeks on average) passes, then your condolences will be inappropriate, in addition, they will once again remind friends, colleagues and relatives of the deceased about the recently suffered grief …
The letter must be written by hand, and not typed on a computer. The typewritten text looks too formal and detached, so now is not the time to be ashamed of your handwriting.
Start your letter with a message. Next, offer your condolences on the death, write a few good, sincere words about the deceased, offer your help, express your willingness to support. Do not forget to sign at the end, and if other people (spouse, children, parents, etc.) join your condolences, be sure to indicate this.
Step 5
When expressing your condolences, you should choose your words very carefully so as not to say too much. Indeed, after the loss of a loved one, emotions are tense and even a careless word can greatly hurt and ruin the relationship. In this situation, you cannot move on to abstract topics, such as politics, gossip or business issues. Give the person time to deal with the pain of loss.
Step 6
In addition, there are other phrases that should not be said to the grieving person. “Don’t cry, you won’t help him” is one of such examples, don’t try to reassure a person with these words. He needs to express his grief so as not to keep negative emotions in himself. And you may seem formal and insensitive, as if you are devaluing your grief.
You cannot say bad things about a deceased person or condemn his actions that led to death. For example, the phrases “shouldn't have smoked” or “I thought I shouldn't have gone so late” sound inappropriate. Any mistakes of the deceased person are unimportant, and you should not blame him for anything.
Don't try to relieve the pain of loss by talking about someone else's grief. Such phrases can only cause irritation or worsen the condition of the grieving person, because he is already feeling so bad. So do not use phrases like "my neighbor also lost her husband a year ago, but is getting married soon" or "I understand you perfectly, I remember my feelings from the death of my mother."
Show respect for the family of the deceased and do not try to find out the reasons and details of death if they do not tell something. Curiosity is inappropriate at such a moment, and can hurt those who are mourning.
Don't use gloomy phrases like "we'll all be there" and "that's life." They devalue the loss, turning death into a fairly common thing, and even cause sad thoughts about the transience of life.
Step 7
Choose the words that are suitable for the case yourself, so as not to quote phrases from the Internet. Sometimes it is enough to say simple phrases "condolences on your loss" or "I am very sorry, please accept my condolences" to show the bereaved your concern. If you are close, it would be appropriate to offer your help with the phrase "if I can help you somehow, I will be glad." Sincerity, friendly participation and willingness to help in such situations are essential.
Oral expressions of condolence should be short, especially if you are speaking at a funeral where many other people are willing to speak to the bereaved. In a personal meeting or in a letter, you can say more, remembering your relationship with the deceased, some kind of bright memory associated with him. You can not remember gloomy events or stories associated with the causes of death.
When doing this, take into account the personal beliefs of the bereaved. In condolences to religious people, it would be appropriate to mention the Lord and say that the deceased is now in heaven. But an atheist can perceive this as mockery and mockery, so it is better not to raise this topic.
Step 8
If you find it difficult to formulate your thoughts, you can use a ready-made phrase from the options below. Try to find the most appropriate speech for the occasion.
“Please accept my condolences and know that I am always ready to support you. Please feel free to ask me for help if you need it."
“My condolences for your loss. But remember that a person who leaves this earth does not actually go anywhere. After all, he will always live in our hearts and minds, we will never forget him."
